At 4.35am, Thursday December 1st. morning, our fixed line phone rang. Bleary eyed, groggy, having slept only for about two and a half hours, and feeling very anxious, I picked up the phone. Ram’s niece, the youngest one amongst her siblings, was on the other end of the line.
“Uncle!” she said, “Bah passed away already uncle, just a few minutes ago”. She was very calm when she said this and she was speaking word by word slowly and quite softly. I could also sense she was crying.
Bah is Ram’s brother in-law, the 82 year old husband of her elder sister, who herself had passed away on the 20th of Ramadan 2004. We had expected to receive this kind of call any time as the deceased had not been well for quite a while and had been in and out of hospital several times. I had written about his condition and what he had gone through in this ‘blog’ the past couple of weeks.
“Inna-lillah-Hiwainna-illahirraaji’unn” I replied.
“I was tending to him and went to sleep at about 4. 00 am.” she said. “I dreamt he passed away, and I woke up at 4.20 am. I checked on him and found him not breathing. Although his chest and upper body was still warm uncle, I felt his legs were cold. The fan was running and directed to the foot of his bed and I thought it could be the fan that made his legs cold but when I checked again he was still not breathing and his eyes closed. I called Pak Mat, the neighbour, and he confirmed it too. Please make some phone calls ok uncle”.
“Have you informed anybody yet?” I asked my niece.
“Yes” she replied. “All my brothers and sisters, and I am now calling all my uncles and aunties”.
“Ok”, I said, “I will inform the others”.
Ram was sitting up in bed looking at me. I told her the news and between us we made the necessary calls to inform other kinfolks, while at the same time getting ready to go over to the brother-in-law’s house, which is in the next town about 40 kilometers away from us. Expecting to spend a long while in his house, Ram packed some change of clothes and other essentials in a small bag and we headed to the house.
Neighbours and those from the neighbourhood mosque came to offer prayers for the deceased, after the dawn prayers. They were still there when we arrived. All his children and their families had arrived earlier except for his second son and family, living in Singapore but they were already on their way by road, and a doctor daughter who was away in East Malaysia, on a work assignment, still trying to make flight arrangements to return. The eldest son, a General in the army, was taking charge of all arrangements for the day. He seeks advice, made decisions and gave instructions in true army discipline, style and mannerism. We were there to lend him support. Tessa was also there. Shaffik came a little later. He happened to be in town for a meeting having arrived from Bintulu at about 10.30pm. the previous night. Ram and I had gone to meet him in his hotel and were there until way after midnight before going home. That was why we had only about two and a half hours sleep on receiving the inevitable early morning call from Ram’s niece.
People, family and friends, were already streaming in to pay their respect to the deceased. It was decided to hold the funeral services at about 11.00am and arrangements were made for that target time. Able nephews and grandnephews did most of the running around getting police and burial permits, purchasing essentials for the funeral services, arranging and preparing burial paraphernalia, preparing burial plot at the graveyard, etc. All completed by about 11.30 am ready for the obligatory prayer for the deceased. The son from Singapore and his family arrived at about the same time. He was finally placed to ‘rest’ not too far away from his wife’s grave at about just after noon and the army religious officer read the final rights and led prayers at the grave. All that was necessary for the funeral service were over just before the midday prayers.
When we came back to the house after the funeral service people were still streaming in to meet the family and offer their condolences. The doctor daughter also arrived after that. Although she missed the funeral, she had earlier told the elder brother not to wait for her return but to proceed with the funeral services as quickly as possible, indeed a correct decision in the eyes of our religion. We have been taught not to delay funerals of deceased.
The rest of the day was spent in solemn prayers for the deceased and a special prayer for him was performed in the neighbourhood mosque after the dusk prayers. There was a big turnout for this prayer session. After most of the guests have gone, the siblings held a discussion among themselves, led by the General naturally, to decide what to do with the assets and properties of the deceased, now that both parents have passed away. I was later informed that they will honour the wishes of the deceased as well as those of their mother as the deceased had at some point or other gave some instructions or information to one or more of his children of what to do with certain properties and belongings him and his wife had. I was delighted to hear this. I was very happy for them. The siblings had done the right thing. They even agreed to the parents request that their house be bequeathed “wakaf’ for religious purposes.
The Singapore nephew and family followed us home in their car to stay the night over in our house. We have enough rooms available for their use and we were happy to have them over. Over breakfast (we had prepared a simple breakfast) we talked about the old times, especially of the deceased and his late wife. We also talked about our guests’ grand and great grandparents. Basically informing them of their roots. I told them of the stories that my mother-in-law related to me about her life and how she grew up, her origin and so on. It dawned on me then that these facts need to be written down, recorded and perhaps catalogued for the benefit of our children, grandchildren and their future, younger generations. I can do this but …….. will I have the time to do it…… hmmmmm….. there seems to be so many things that I can write, want to write, and record…. but hmmmmm……. I just wonder…….
MKI Ramblings Unlimited
Petaling Jaya
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