Weddings Galore

Weddings are a weekly affair now. We have had invitations to weddings almost every week for the past few months. Some of the wedding receptions were held at night and most were on daylight hours, usually held from 12.00 noon to about 4.00 or 5.00 pm, buffet style. If at night it usually will be a sit-down dinner starting at about 8.00pm, i.e guests will start trickling in at 8.00pm. The wedding programme will usually be more formal in setting and will start after 8.30pm with the wedding couple arriving amidst the beatings of drums with, sometimes, the accompaniment of wedding songs or verses from the Holy Book or hymns glorifying the Almighty and the prophet, depending on how the hosts want to ‘project’ the occasion to their guests. This will be followed by the blessing of the wedding couple, usually done by the guest of honour and elders from the two families. All these will take about an hour or maybe more and dinner will only ‘take off’ well after 9.30pm. (Ram and I have made it a habit of eating something light before going to these nighttime dinner functions, weddings or other dinner functions alike!!) Speeches, intro into the backgrounds of the wedding couple and cutting of the wedding cake will follow after dinner. Some of these wedding functions will go on until almost midnight!! However, the daytime functions usually are more informal. There will be the same programme but they are executed quite in an informal manner, while the guests are free to partake in the food served. The other advantage of the daytime functions is the possibility of people attending several weddings on the same day one after the other as they do not have to wait for the whole ceremony to be over before moving on.

The trend for timing of wedding receptions has changed over time. When I was small, that was circa 1950’s wedding receptions were held mostly during the day hours and usually in two batches, for men at about 2.00 pm and ladies at about 4.00 pm and all will be over by 6.00 pm. This trend had slowly changed over time, when they were held at one go for men and ladies either during the day hours or at night. I can understand the rationale for the earlier timings of day hours only. In the late 40’s and early 50’s most people commute on bicycles and trishaws, the quaint three-wheeler two-seater vehicle (tricycle) on ‘paddle-power’ of the trishaw-man (equivalent of a modern day taxi cab!). Not many people have cars and to own a car is to display upper status in society!! So, people commute by trishaws and when they have to go further distances taxi cabs, which were quite rare, were used. There was also no bus service then. Hence wedding functions held during the day hours. Separate function for men and ladies were held to hold it to traditional religious practice of segregation between men and ladies. As time goes on and as the population increased, and living conditions improved and society became more affluent, more and more people had cars, more money to spend, public facilities improved and so on, the trend changed slowly to what it is today.

Dressing to attend weddings had also changed and the trend to my mind had changed negatively. If everyone had tried to be as formal as possible in their dressings, most in traditional or national costumes, formal and most presentable dresses in those bygone days, people, especially the younger generations nowadays have regarded attending weddings as just like any other outings. They will just wear casual wear, most in T’s and jeans!! That’s how much respect they have for their hosts and I think it is most improper of them, indecent even. One will see family members of the wedding couple dressed in their best but receiving guests who are in varied dresses. Some in similar formal dresses but most with so very casual dresses as though they are going for a picnic!! It goes to show how lightly people take to tradition. One reason that traditions are dying. For me it is showing disrespect to the host and the wedding couple.

Weddings have also become a much simpler affair nowadays. It used to be held for two or three days some thirty or more years ago but has now become just an afternoon or an evening session. Whole families and neighbourhood used to be involved in wedding preparations then but has now turned to be just a function with everything outsourced and close family members and neighbours involved just as guests. If those days families get closer because of this team work in wedding preparations it has now become just a function one has to attend. No more of the camaraderie amongst family members and neighbours. Close family members used to contribute material things for the weddings, like rice, bagsful of onions, eggs etc etc. and they get together to prepare the food and cook together, and prepare the house to make it presentable for the wedding function have now changed to family members offering monetary contributions in envelopes and everything else outsourced!! It has become so impersonal, distant and cold!! Ever wonder why families are so far apart emotionally nowadays?

Traditionally the wedding couple will, a few days after the wedding, be brought to meet the elders of both the families starting from the most senior in the family and may take a few days to cover all but this tradition have died……. The bride or groom will not recognize who is who in the family until much later……. sometimes months and years even before one of them meets up with an uncle or close relative of the spouse!!

It is sad that these traditions have become lost in the modern societal changes, the materialistic world of ‘I’ before ‘you’. The ‘kiasu’ attitude of everything for ‘me’ first before even thinking of offerings to others. Will the above tradition be redeemed in the future? Nahhhh, something drastic will have to take place if it was to go back to tradition…… It will just remain nostalgic thoughts and something to reminisce about, nothing more. Gone are the days, as they say, and yes……. they are not likely to come back……… hmmmmmm.

MKI Ramblings Unlimited,
Petaling Jaya.