The Passing Away of A Legendary Community Leader - That Was My Mum.

Hajjah Kalthum Binti Ali, my mother, passed away peacefully at 0154hrs on Tuesday 4th September 2012. Her recorded birth date was 22 August 1922, which made her officially recorded age as 90 years. However I remember seeing notes that she and my late dad had written in their 'scrap' books, and indeed she had told me when I was younger that her actual birth date was 3 years prior to the official registration of her birth date. So that made her 93 years old when she passed away. The reason for this delay in registration was because of the practice at that time when parents did not give much thought to registering their newborns and when they do register they just pluck a date to record, some to their advantage, for example in starting school, or much later in starting work or when getting married. It would be so long later that they forget the actual dates. Only the individual would remember their own birth date. The same was with my dad's birth date. He was one year older than Mum.

Mum led a full and active life. She had ten children, yours sincerely being the eldest, and brought all of us up in an exemplary manner. She balanced worldly commitment on a same platform with obligations to spiritual demands. She taught us to be humble, to respect others and to fear Allah the Almighty. She was our pillar of strength, our base reference, always there for us and to many of us our savior in times of need. She divides her time for her husband, children and the needs of the community well. Yes, she had a good life and I will try to write more of how exemplary she was in the days or weeks to come. For this post let me just concentrate briefly on the last two years or so of her life.

She had been active, albeit in her slow mannerism, as she was going on in age and tire herself easily, until the late evening of 29 April 2010, a Thursday or eve of Friday 30 April, when she had a fall in her room, after losing her balance when she got up to go to the toilet. The maid was at hand to help her up. She did not go to the hospital but instead went the next morning with one of my sisters, who had for the past 23 years stayed with Mum, to consult a lady masseuse whom people in the neighbourhood considered an expert on bone fractures and such!! The masseuse opined that there was no fracture but indicated that Mum's back bone was out of alignment and would need traditional treatment to realign the back bone. All the other children only knew of the fall two nights later when Mum's condition got worse and in great pain!! She was brought to hospital by ambulance and promptly attended to. An x-ray image taken of her back bone showed a compressed 4th vertebrae, a result of the fall. She had a good rest that night in hospital, and stayed on for a few nights more.

 Mum's condition after that fall slowly deteriorated. After her discharge from hospital she was given intensive care by her children and grandchildren. She needed to take it easy. The doctor who attended to her suggested we allow her compressed bone to heal naturally and prescribed medicines for her. She continued with medication and doctors' follow-up treatment but one day, about three weeks later she had again to be hospitalised when she lost a lot of blood due to an internal bleeding. The hospital again promptly attended to her and she recovered, but not fully apparently.

Mum was going on to 91 then. She could walk, albeit very slowly initially, but later it became a great effort to even take a few steps from her room to the sitting hall just outside of the room. She needed full attention and had to be assisted in all her daily routines. She could not manage personal grooming on her own anymore. She sat with us at meal times but that too became an effort for her. Her hands were shaking and could not hold the spoon steady for long. It pained us to see her in that condition, and we know that she was fighting hard to do 'things' on her own. We were patient with her. Meals took longer than normal but that was okay with us.

As time goes on and as her condition deteriorated she had to be wheeled around even in the house. All of us took turns to spend time with her. Mum agreed that she had to let go of her administrative routines (she had, until the moment, still held certain and several positions in voluntary work within the community) and one sister looked into divesting these including taking over her banking needs. Banking had become another great effort for her. The bank officer, the kind soul, had to go to her in the car, see to all the administrative banking needs there personally. To take her to the bank was another effort in itself. Initially it was quite okay to take her out in the car once in a while, away from the confines of the house but later even these outings became difficult for her. She would be very tired. She would fall asleep in the car, sometimes on the way out of the house. She was no longer interested to go out.

Mum's condition deteriorated further when she could no longer sit in the wheel chair for too long. She would fall asleep. She would not be able to get out of bed to sit on the wheel chair on her own and had to be assisted. Then later she was lying in bed and had difficulty to sit up on her own. She had to be assisted. The wheel chair was left aside unused and she does not leave the room. All attention to her was done in bed. 

Throughout all the above, Mum was constantly reading the Quran, reciting zikir, and would chat cheerfully with us whenever we are around to visit. Sometimes we would read the Quran together, sometimes we read and she listened. Her lips were always moving, perhaps reciting zikir softly. About four months ago, she was no longer interested in sitting up in bed and preferred to lie down all the time. She acknowledged all those who came to visit, sometimes remembering who they were and sometimes she just stared at them. She did not talk and would smile a lot.

This last month was the month of Syawal in the Muslim Calendar. A month of rejoicing after fasting the whole month of Ramadhan prior to it. My wife and I, our children and grandchildren drove to JB on the second day of Syawal to be with Mum. We had a gathering of the big family on the third day of Syawal (most of my siblings and their children and grandchildren were there), starting with the reading of verses from the Quran and reciting zikir and doa. Top activity was a barbecue, managed by the third generation in the family. There was a good turnout as always and Mum's house 'Teratak Kasih' was a hive of activities for three days straight. Mum however remained in her room, aware of what's going on but in her condition did not (or could not) join in the merriment. Then came time for us to leave and Teratak Kasih became quiet again. The daily routine there continued until the second week of Syawal.

We were at an uncle's house one evening for a Syawal gathering after dusk. It was Saturday 1st of September 2012. I received a call from my sister in JB that Mum's condition was bad. Her blood pressure had dropped to 70/40, which was very low. The family doctor advised for everyone to be alerted but said not to panic and instead to monitor her blood pressure. I hitched a ride from my brother-in-law who happened to be in KL and returning to JB that night. We arrived in JB at about 2.00am on 2nd September.

Mum's condition remained the same for most of the time. She was breathing heavily but was calm. We read the Quran by her bedside and took turns reciting the zikir close to her through the night and onto the whole of Sunday. Her blood pressure fluctuated between 70/40 and 90/60 most of the time and she continued to breathe heavily.

On Monday 3rd September Mum's blood pressure rose to 110/70 and remained stable. She was then breathing normally and managed a smile now and then. She continued to be calm. I decided to follow another brother-in-law who was driving back to KL alone, arriving home at about 6.00pm. However, soon after the Isya' prayer I received a call that Mum's condition had gotten bad again and this time her blood pressure could not be read. We decided to go back to JB then. Sita said she will drive first and let me rest and to take over the driving only if she got sleepy. It was about 11.00pm 3rd September then. I could not sleep. I silently said my prayers in the car. At 2.00 am my sister called to say that Mum had passed away at 1.54am. I made several phone calls to inform kinfolks of the news while Sita continued to drive all the way. My siblings said it was up to me to decide how and when to perform the funeral and burial services.

We arrived in Teratak Kasih at close to 3.00am. I considered Mum's siblings, (Mum was the eldest) there were five of them living in KL, having to drive all the way to JB and would only start their journeys early in the morning. I then decided that preparatory services be started at about 9.00 am, prayers in the house at 12.00 and then in the mosque after the Zohor prayers. All went like clockwork. A police report of the death was made, burial grounds arranged and funeral services arranged accordingly. Mum's younger brothers and sisters, and other family members and friends, arrived in time for the last rights. Even son Shaffik arrived from Sarawak just in time for the funeral services, having arrived by air at Senai airport at noon and Amir fetching him to Teratak Kasih.

Mum was finally laid to rest in a grave close to my late dad, my grandad, step grandma, my uncles and other relatives. It was not a family burial plot but it so happened that the space could accommodate family members together. Services were over by about 3.00pm and all of us went back to Teratak Kasih. We held prayers for late Mum for three nights in succession attended by congregation of the mosque and family members. So ends the life of a loving wife and mother, a Legendary Community Leader, an Activist, a Politician, a teacher, a religious motivator, a 'Sri Kandi' in the eyes of the community. That was my Mother...... May Allah bless her and place her in the gardens of Jannah together with those whom He pleases..... Amin ya Rabbul AlAmin.

MKI Ramblings Unlimited,
Petaling Jaya